Posted by: Jim | December 9, 2005

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Putting the “Oh Christ!” Back in Christmas

Deja vu. Christians are in an uproar over the blandification of their biggest holiday.

I would normally roll my eyes because I just don’t care, but this time I’m getting a little twitchy. The following quote from ABCNews says it all:

Christian conservatives say retailers should proudly play up Christmas even if some non-Christian customers are alienated.

“Tough luck,” said Donald Wildmon, chairman of the American Family Association. “This is an overwhelmingly Christian country.”
____________________

The recent religio-political climate in this country has, as we all know, divided us more than we’ve been divided in a long time. Sadly, the great “unifier” in the United States is our actual religion, which is consumerism. However the religious right is trying to absorb the tenets of consumerism into their religion, and trying to make Target (for example) play by Christian rules.

It’s possible that Christians know down deep in their hearts that they have lost the battle for American souls. Because instead of finding a nugget of joy in knowing that Jesus has saved us from eternal damnation, we instead opted to find our nugget of joy in the new bean bag sit-up chair we just got at Sears. Damn, she’s a beaut!
So Christians, who don’t want to admit defeat, are simply changing the internal workings of their religion, and attaching themselves to consumerism. Since consumerism is the winner, they want to see the word “Christ” in red twinkle-lights over the frozen foods aisle. Apparently, the words “Happy Holidays” symbolize their defeat.

This move is even more clever than the Intelligent Design move. Because really, no one cares about evolution. But people do care about the fact that Target has fuzzy bathroom carpets on sale for $5.99.

I have four things to say:

1. If Christians really want to pee in their own coffee, they may.
2. If Christians think that they are going to make turn America into “Jesus Country” they will eventually create the American Civil War II. Please reconsider.
3. If “WalMart” wants to rename itself “Jesus Christ Superstore” they may. That’s their right. I’ll shop at Costco anyway.
4. Psssst. Retailers. If any of you come out saying that you will NOT have holiday decorations, and NOT pipe in Christmas music in order to transfer those costs to lower prices, I will shop at your stores, I promise!

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