Posted by: Jim | December 18, 2006

Eragon

I don’t often review films, as this blog is supposed to be about the meat. However, I would be a bad friend if I did not warn all of you against seeing this film.

Imagine having an M1 tank roll onto your legs, and being given a hacksaw to free yourself, knowing you would bleed to death unless you finished the work in two hours. That is how I felt while I sat through the film called Eragon.

My son assures me that the book is excellent, and insisted that now I must read it. I believe he may be right, as many great books were ruined by their celluloid counterparts. (All the John Irving movies come to mind, except Garp, which was good.) However, I believe I will pass on reading Eragon, because I will not be able to get the sunny-faced, covertly oppressive homosexual Edward Speleers out of my head.

The Director of this film (Stefen Fangmeier) should go back to what he does well: visual effects. And if he does direct another film, he should not review gay musicals from the 60s as his prototype.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I wouldn’t mind a gay theme at all in films–it’s just that this was so cheesy and sylishly outdatedIf you’re going to be anything, even gay, just be interesting.

But for those of you who have already seen “Man of La Mancha” or “Camelot,” and have had their fill of maudlin, sunny-faced characters of paper-thin complexity, save your money and don’t see Eragon.

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Responses

  1. I didn’t need the warning; I saw the trailer and that was enough to convince me this would suck. But thanks for the confirmation. I will return the favor and urge you to avoid ‘Apocalypto’ — the trailer for THAT wasn’t half bad, but the words ‘Mel’ and ‘Gibson’ should have tipped me off. Alas, he gets to spend my nine-fifty on Johnny Walker, and I will never get my two hours back.

    * * *

  2. Eragon’s trailers looked a lot like Dragonheart, the charming 1990’s film starring Dennis Quaid and the voice of Sean Connery as the dragon. Thanks for the advance warning, but do check out Dragonheart if you get the chance…

    And as for Melly Mel Gibson – does everyone not watch his stuff now only since his incident with the law, or has this opinion prevailed since Mad Max? Interesting tie-in to the Dixie Chicks post, how potentially one episode of errant human behavior can change a person’s viewing habits. I know Jimbo and I saw Braveheart on the big screen at Kimball’s – rememeber that? 🙂

    I loathed Jane Fonda’s actions during the Vietnam War, but holy cripes was she ever h-o-t in Barbarella. Yeah, I watch it, but I’m not thinking of Vietnam when I do.

  3. Wow, I DO remember. You, PK and I went to see Braveheart. I remember saying “L’touer Eifell and it can’t get up!” We thought it was funny. Now I think it’s dumb.

    Anyway, I feel compelled to change this post to more accurately reflect how I felt about the “gayness.” … stay tuned.

  4. well jim, your son is correct. the book was quite good, especially considering that the author was 17 at the time he wrote it. it was nothing completely original; it was obvious that his world was a combination of Lord of the Rings and The Dragonriders of Pern. it was however, a delightful and exciting read. i am not surprised that the movie was a bomb. it would be difficult to do justice to the story on film. when will hollywood realize that not all good stories translate well to film?

  5. Re: Todd’s comparison of The Chicks to Smelly Mel.

    There’s a big difference between disagreeing with someone’s politics and having them be a big drunken racist asshole who spouts nasty shit about groups of people, especially when said asshole also makes films (ie; The Pa$$ion) that suspiciously caricature and villify said groups.

    If Gibson had come out in support of Bush, I would likely think he was retarded but it wouldn’t stop me from seeing his films. Or, conversely, if he’d publicly denounced Clinton for shit he’s probably doing himself, I would have thought he was a hypocrite but it wouldn’t stop me from seeing his films.

    And if ya come right down to it, since I DID see ‘Apocaplexo’, I guess his being a scumbag racist alcoholic prick didn’t stop me from seeing his films either.

    No, at this point I’ve just decided he’s a SHITTY FILMMAKER. I mean, ‘Braveheart’ was entertaining, but it wasn’t exactly Great Art, nor was it remotely historically accurate — and the whole William Wallace As Christ Figure symbolism was just absurd. ‘The Passion’ was a fucking religious snuff film. I liked him in the ‘Mad Max’ days, but he didn’t direct those films, and they were just low-budget fun anyway. And don’t even get me started on the whole ‘Lethal Weapon’ series. Gibson had some decent moments in his early acting days, with ‘Gallipoli’ and ‘The Year of Living Dangerously’ as excellent examples. But as a director, he’s about as deep as George Lucas and equally original.

    I gave him the chance to redeem himself with ‘Apocalimpdick’, mainly because my date wanted to see it. Needless to say, he failed.

    * * *

  6. I enjoyed the film Eragon. While it will not stick with me as anything other than fluff it met my expectation of escapism into a fantasy world. I did not pick up on any homosexual innuendo’s in the film but my gaydar is pretty weak. I suppose everyone has an opinion and for someone that enjoys the escapism…..this movie worked fine for me.


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