Posted by: Jim | August 13, 2007

An Open Apology

To the person at the South Coast Plaza parking lot outside of Sears:

I see that you drive a Durango. Are you from Colorado? If so, I’m sure you understand about wide-open spaces, and how they are in short supply at a crowded mall in Orange County, California on a hot August day. But I am certain you know all this, as you must be terribly intelligent and important. This is clearly evident by how you park your car. Since you’ve undoubtedly had trouble fitting such a large vehicle into a space designed for normal-sized vehicles, and have likely received numerous “door dings” on your SUV as a result, I can see that you’ve adapted (a response known only in higher functioning organisms) by utilizing two spaces to park your Durango.

Surely only someone of the greatest import would do this, as the parking lot was full, and the two spaces you occupied were those closest to the store I was visiting. I’d like it known that I am not an important person, and the obvious importance of your stature makes my actions even more reprehensible. For in my haste I decided to park my somewhat smallish car in the tiny space left available by your slighly imperfect attempt at canvasing two entire spaces. Imagine my horror when I accidentally put a sizable ding in your rear right passenger door when attempting to exit my vehicle. Please accept my heart-felt apology.

I might suggest you buy an even larger car so as to ensure that you can occupy two spaces more completely and avoid foolhardy attempts by poor drivers such as myself.

My best to you.



  1. I must admit that I drive a full size van. We did a lot of traveling with three boys playing ice hockey in the southeast, and seriously needed the room to hold us and their equipment.

    But, I am a stickler about parking straight and in-between the yellow lines that designate a parking spot. I generally park far away from a store, so that it is easier for me to park as much in the middle of the designated spot as I can. but, every once in a while, some asswipe, comes along in their SUV and parks next to me, crooked. That in fact makes it more difficult for me to back out of said spot that I took the time to park in correctly.

    People like that deserve the dings they get, IMHO. And believe you me, I have been known to give a number of door dings. In fact, one idiot parked so crookedly next to me, that the only room left was a mere 6″ for me to open the door and try to enter my van, and that wasn’t happening. That person received numerous door dings, from venting my frustration and infuriation, after I went to the other side of the van and entered on the passenger side. Damn, but it felt good opening my door onto their time and time again.

    Gah! You just had to get me going on idiot parkers.

  2. LOL, nice one.

  3. I suppose the Durango driver’s behavior is one step down from people who park across two disabled spaces and climb out with a “So fucking fight me” look on their face.

  4. Did you leave a note? If so, bravo. If not, justifying not leaving a note because of poor parking habits is equally as crappy. And is this a complaint from small car owners to large car owners? Gas vs. Hybrid? My Bonneville is in mint condition after almost four years, and I’ll be damned if I try to squeeze it between two vehicles of any size. The difference is, I always park in the furthest space from where I’m going so I’m not in anyone’s way, and have never taken up two spaces.

    If this happened right next to an entrance, or near handicapped spaces, then they most likely deserve a ding or two ๐Ÿ˜‰ That’s just asking for it. Felix, if anyone ever sees a non-handicapped person park in a handicapped spot, that right there is grounds for calling a tow truck, and I highly recommend it. It works. I know, I’ve had someone towed…

  5. It is good to know that, although my readers differ on a myriad of subjects, they all agree on the importance of good parking etiquette.


  6. Crone — I visited your site. Welcome to my blogroll!

  7. I would have carved the apology on their hood with my handy pocket-sized Leatherman tool I keep with me for just such occasions.

    But that’s just me.


    * * *

  8. Oh Darn. Hate when that happens. Of course I’m referring to the inept parking of ‘des especes d’idiots’ . for their sizeable ding? I hand it to you on your formal apology; afterall, how can one avoid the footprints created by having to walk over an ill-parked vehicle to get to one’s destination?

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