Posted by: Jim | December 3, 2008

America’s Real Religion

In the Middle East, religious fervor during the annual Hadj almost always results in the trampling death of some worshippers. In America, we trample people to death for our own religious fervor: shopping.


Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV: $798

Bissel Compact Upright Vacuum: $28

Samsung 10.2 megapixel digital camera: $69

DVDs such as “The Incredible Hulk:” $9

Temporary Wal-Mart Security Guard Jdimytai Damour, who died trying to protect a pregnant shopper: priceless.





  1. Man, this enraged me. This paints a helluva picture of us for the rest of the world. One man dead so people could save a buck. Ain’t Wal-Mart’s fault, but you know someone will sue them. Then the manufacturer of the doors that gave way, then the company that hired the temporary security guard, then the local police for not doing their job, and the folks who pushed through the doors will likely get off. God, this pisses me off.

    Merry effing Christmas.

  2. I read a woman say “They were behaving like savages.” No, ma’am, they are savages.

    Real red-meat capitalism, but hopefully not indicative of much beyond a certain sub-strata of American folks. Of course, if everybody there had been black, then this’d be presented, a la Katrina, as a damning indictment of every black person who ever lived, but that’s by the by. Every white person is a unique entity, to be measured only against themselves…

  3. Next post title for Jim, Why I am no longer a shopper! And remember, by Ted’s impeccable logic, Ronald Macdonald exists “He is clearly identifiable in the corporate literature… His effigy is present in numerous restaurants, he is known the world over…”

  4. If you think about the actual semantics of a death-by-trampling, the people who actually step on the victim are being pushed uncontrollably from behind by people who do not know that a person is being trampled.

    It all boils down to group-think and a desperation to achieve a goal that is irrationally intense. So intense that you will cram yourself into a packed crowd of people. That’s why it’s so similar to the Hadj.

  5. Bear in mind, this is also the exception. An unacceptable exception, but classifying this as a cover-all for capitalism is errant.

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