Posted by: Jim | January 9, 2009

Don’t Try this at Home, Kids

andre-thomasAndre Thomas just obeyed scripture again.

In March 2004, while on Death Row for murder, Andre gouged out his right eye “after reading a Bible verse.”

I will bet you a donut that the scripture he read was Matthew 5:29, which says “And if thy right eye offend thee pluck it out and cast it from thee for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.” Andre had obviously been taught that the Bible was a literal, true book. And being on Death Row, he wasn’t cutting any corners, so to speak.

Well yesterday Andre’s remaining good eye somehow offended him, so he gouged that one out too. Then he ate it. There is no Biblical precedence for eating various plucked out organs, but I’m sure it was tasty.

Andre was just obeying the Bible, yet the prison put him in a psychiatric facility. I wonder if he hadn’t eaten it, and Andre simply offered the Biblical reason for gouging out his eye, if that would have been okay.



  1. Well, he won’t be reading any more scripture now…

  2. In all seriousness, I debated doing this on more than one occasion. I would feel guilty for not since I couldn’t “keep my right eye from offending me”. If you think this is insane, you are right. I don’t think it was as much me though as the system I was brought up in. They probably wouldn’t have condoned it, but that’s only because they don’t actually believe the Bible is literal, they slowly take out whatever is one step past totally ridiculous. In growing up, the basic, unspoken mantra was “We must believe the Bible is totally literal, except what is clearly a metaphor like Jesus’ parable of the sheep and goats, the parts about women not being aloud to speak in church, the parts about slaves and the entire Old Testament except the 10 commandments and a few other things.” I wanted to post a link here to some incredibly awful Bible verses, but I’ll spare you. Just Google it if you really don’t know enough (I did and found some awesome ones).

  3. I would question the mental state of anyone on death row. Perhaps the Bible made him do it, perhaps the Devil did. Perhaps he’s just not all there, which is what I’m going with.

    How many other times have you seen or heard of this kind of behavior? This is my first…

  4. Well, he’s certainly not all there NOW.

    Ba-dump-bump! Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week, tip your servers…

  5. I actually LOL’d there Chuck.

  6. Believe it or not, so did I! LOL

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